I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
