i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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