The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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