ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
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I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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