only if we run a train.
done.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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