you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This house was built for laser tag.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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