I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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