Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
