I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
