There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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