I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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