I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
