PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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