so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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