i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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