Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize