I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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