rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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