I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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