"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
