So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you never un-have a 4some
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
