She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
