At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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