its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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