I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
