Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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