I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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