apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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