quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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