And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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