Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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