It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
