Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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