Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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