I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
