FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
