i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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