Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
