Well apparently he's into motor boating.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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