My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
