is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
