Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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