farters have to be the big spoon...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
