come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
