The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
