so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
