Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
