you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
