I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
