Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
