I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
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Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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