Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
