Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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