Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
