who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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