We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
