am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
