Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
