So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Randomize
