Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
