At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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