ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
