____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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