Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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