i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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